He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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