Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
