I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
