love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
