Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Couch. On fire.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
