never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
