don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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