So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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