he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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