Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
