He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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