we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
