my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
