tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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