Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
should my penis look like a turkey
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
