I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize