Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
