So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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