my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
