I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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