i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
