My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
