You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
