Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
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