Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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