she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
