My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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