who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
