VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
