I just made out with a guy for $7.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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