Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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