shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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