i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
