apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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