I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
