She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
