i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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