I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
