Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
