He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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