dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
