between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
