Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize