I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
