I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
