I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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