i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
