Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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