My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
