I CAN MOONWALK!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
