HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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