i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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