You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
