Got a toothbrush?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
