did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
