i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
