even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
