Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize