Just fell off a train. Bad.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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