I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Send help, water and tortillas.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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