I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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