your parents love me but you hate me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
