i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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