Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize