Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
