sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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