Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
