SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
