he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
