ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
