Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Found the puke drawer
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
