someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Randomize
